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On what levels did you experience rejection and alienation, and where are you now?

I'd like to hear what older folk have to say about the flipside of their experience here. I find it hard to be social (only speak when spoken to kinda mentality) and I really want to overcome this. I think my alienation is my own doing - I just want to know your own experiences. I'm not sure if this makes much sense, so answer in any way you wish :)

Public Comments

1. I'm in my mid 50's, and I've with rejection and alienation from a lot of people due to three disabilites. I've learned that if I worried about others think about me will drive me psychotic and I refuse to let others do that to me. I grew up with a physical disability that is evident by how I walk, I have a learning disability which affected the way that I learned. (Especially back in the 60's when little was known about LD's) and I have a psychiatric disability I was diagnosed with depression by the age of 9 but I'd been dealing with it a lot longer than that. People still look at me different because of the way that I walk and the fact that I have to use crutches. I've had others talk over me to my children for my opinion and other issues. People think that just because I have a physical disability means that I'm unable of thinking or talking for my self. I have a very high IQ and an very extensive vocabulary. Yet people are still focused on the most obvious, I've really decided that it's a lot more important what I and my close family think about me and to heck with what others think,
2. I like this question, and it makes perfect sense. I also really like the other answer you received. I'm going to go a couple directions with this one, and it's going to be long, so buckle up! For starters - I am generally a fan of the "speak when spoken to" mentality. There are three reasons for this. First - I'm very happy with myself, so for the most part I don't need to hear myself talk or receive confirmation from others. Second - I like making others happy, so I am generally willing to let them talk and give them confirmation of whatever they are saying. Third - I generally find that other people like to talk about themselves far more than they like to listen to others. Now, it took me quite a while to come to the conclusions I just did in the above paragraph. I'm 31 right now, and I would say it all only fell into place in my late 20s. And I think part of what made the pieces finally fit was coming to terms with the rejection and alienation you speak of. Rejection and alienation have bothered me to some extent for most of my life, so to properly answer your question I'll start from the beginning. In grade school I didn't care about rejection or alienation. I had friends and I had fun and that was all that mattered. Things started to change in middle school though. I still had friends, but they weren't the "cool kids". I also started liking girls, but the girls I liked didn't like me back. Enter feelings of rejection and alienation. Things changed again in high school. Where middle school felt like you were either cool, or not cool - in high school cool became complicated. This was somewhat based on cliques, such as the jocks, the nerds, the stoners, etc. I was probably somewhere in the middle in terms of cool. And I even got a few girls I wanted. But I always wanted more. I always wanted to be cooler, and I was devastated by every girl I didn't get. In high school I would say my feeling of alienation diminished somewhat, because rather than simply being "not cool" I felt "somewhat cool". My feeling of rejection increased, however, because rather than simply being rejected by the "cool" crowd, now I felt rejected by many different crowds, and the sting of rejection from girls hurt a lot more. College was where things started turning around, and I hear that from a lot of other people too. In college it seemed to not matter anymore whether you were "cool". The cliques also seemed to disappear. I met people who were obviously very cool in high school, and some who were obviously the opposite, and we all became friends. Finally it was about being a good person who is fun to hang out with, and not about "being cool". Rejection and alienation almost completely gone. After college I moved to Chicago with a friend and got a job. I met new people but missed having all my college friends so easily accessible. While my feeling of alienation increased somewhat, I was comfortable enough with myself that it didn't get to me as much. I also remembered the feelings of alienation in middle school and high school, and knew it would never be that bad again. I'm still in Chicago now, and over time I have put down roots here. I've been married 5 years and I have a 2 year old son. We have some amazing friends, and I'm still on the same career path. I almost never feel rejection or alienation, and when I do I view them as wake-up calls or challenges. Right now my wife and son are away and I'm alone, but I don't feel alienated because I'm comfortable with myself. When I apply for different jobs I get rejected a large majority of the time, but I don't FEEL rejected, again, because I'm comfortable with myself. To conclude, (finally right!?) I think the key is being comfortable with yourself. If you're perfectly comfortable with yourself then you'll almost never feel rejected or alienated. Unfortunately, as my long winded answer hopefully demonstrates, it can take time to reach that level of self comfort. Hopefully this answer will somehow help get you there. Good luck!